One phrase used in divorce petitions to describe the “why” is “discord and conflict”, as the divorce portal DivorceStage.com stated. If you ask the individuals involved they will say that “it just didn’t work anymore”. This will be followed by a list of complaints about the other person’s faults. Two other over-used expressions are:
» “we fell out of love”
» “the spark wasn’t there anymore”
There are also reasons given that involve domestic abuse, infidelity, and drug or alcohol addiction. These are all legitimate reasons for a first divorce. But, what happens when they are also the reasons for a second or third divorce? Didn’t we learn anything the first time around? The divorce rate in the United States is as follows:
» 41% for the first marriage
» 60% for the second marriage
» 73% for the third marriage (Divorce Rate, 2011).
The divorce rate in the UK is 70% for just the first marriage (Divorce Rate, ibid). One definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” (Einstein). It has been proven that we carry the seeds of our next divorce in the mistakes made in the last one.
We would like to point out, however, that this article is not about your former spouse. This article is all about you. In order to succeed in a new relationship, you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Otherwise your next partner will end up as your next victim, or you may end up as theirs.
We are going to take a look at the reasons people divorce. These reasons fall into two main categories: external reasons and internal reasons. Factors outside of a person’s character or personality and those subsequent mismatches constitute external reasons. We’re talking about things like a person’s race, nationality or religion. Internal reasons are all those personality characteristics that caused conflict in your relationship.
We will then take a look at how you discover what your part was in the divorce and to take accountability for it. Beyond that, we will talk about what you can do about it. People can change. Counselors charge large sums of money to provide an objective viewpoint.
They don’t really “fix’ you. The only one who can do that is you. But, they do help you to be more objective about yourself and see things from a totally different perspective.